Ok, After my last dismal post I thought it was time to come back in and update on where I am at. I have been feeling very low and not coping with life in general but after my lowest of lows a few weeks ago I realised that I cannot go on like this and so have begun to take some measures to help myself out of this rutt.
I decided that I need people. Plain and simple. I have always been a people person and I always will be. I crave the adult companionship and conversation and cannot stand only being exposed to endless episodes of playschool and 2 year old tantrums with nothing to break it up. It is with this in mind that I have decided to put in some more effort and get out there. When mum was around it was always her that I turned to. We were more than just mother and daughter, we were friends too! We enjoyed each others company and we spent a lot of time together each week. Since she has been gone I have had no one. I spend day after day on my own (well, surrounded by little kids) and it's not good for me.
I have decided that firstly I need more than the one day of daycare. I decided to call Karen, our old in-home care lady and see if she was free to come back on Tuesdays. She will be starting the week after next and having her here on Tuesdays will allow me to still see my kids on those days but make it possible for me to do whatever errands are needed, food shopping, cleaning etc.. and also another day to make any Dr. appointments or the like - just basically giving me a bit more freedom to move!
Mondays I have decided to get back together with my 'mums group' friends. These girls have been my friends since our firsts were born 8 years ago and we have formed some fantastic friendships. I have missed seeing them regularly and the little kids have missed out on 'mothers group' meetings so we are starting a regular monday meet again.
Wednesdays I am planning on doing a similar thing with Katie and Jules who I went to high school with. These girls have known me forever. They know everything about me and my family and I them. It's a very comfortable feeling and great to re-connect with them and their kids. We plan on doing a kind of 'portable' playgroup where we just meet at different locations decided the night before. Sometimes our houses, sometimes parks etc.. It should be great and the kids will love getting out and about with them too!
Thursdays are my 'free' day. The three bigger kids are at school and the three little ones go to family day care so it's my chance to do whatever I want for me! I can go shopping, take myself to the movies, come home and sleep - whatever! I want to try and keep this day free to be spontaneous and not booked up with things I HAVE to do - that way I hope it will be refreshing and relaxing - just all about me!
Fridays I am considering taking the 4 little ones to the library story time session. It's free, it's close to home and hopefully it will teach the kids about how they have to behave as they get ready for school next year. (wish me luck!)
So there you have it! Things are looking up! I have a plan :) It will still be hard work but I am feeling more positive and determined to get out there and live life instead of sitting at home feeling defeated.
Marnie
