I'm not having such a good day today, and I don't think this weather is really helping. It's bleak and windy and miserable! I am feeling very raw today for some reason... some days I think I have it under control and then it hits me like a tonne of bricks. I burst into tears at the drop of a hat and am very cranky and miserable. My poor kids don't know what they have done wrong and I am just no fun to be around... the hurt is too great and I wonder if I will forever walk around feeling like a huge part of me is missing? I wonder if there will come a day where an hour will pass that I don't think of calling mum for a chat about this or some advice about that... I wonder if I will ever stop feeling so incredibly alone and if I will make it out the other side of this fog I am living in. If I will some day answer people when they ask the usual old 'how are you?' with my standard "I'm good, thanks!" and it will actually be the truth? I know it's only been a few weeks but my gut feeling is that..no!...these things will not really change, that I will forever live in a different world now, without my best friend... without my mum....
M.
Monday, 29 June 2009
Sunday, 28 June 2009
What's been going on??
It has been THE most horrendous year on record for us. I thought it was about time that I checked back in and updated my blog though...
As I said in my last post, Mum was diagnosed with cancer at christmas time last year. We knew from the beginning that it wasn't likely to have a fairy tale ending, it was Melanoma - the same type of cancer she had when I was only 12 years old. The whole way through her illness mum was so brave and strong. I was constantly surprised by her positive attitude. She kept on saying that she would never have changed a single thing about her life and that she felt blessed. To be honest, I struggled to be so positive, I still do! but that was just mum's way, right to the end she was more worried about all of us and how we would handle her death than she was concerned for herself!
On the 29th of May, the day after the twins' 2nd birthday mum passed away at the Murdoch Community Hospice. I have spent every day since trying to learn to live without her. My heart still feels like there is a great gaping hole, I don't think that's ever going to go away but maybe I will learn to live with it... in time....
Then, as if that wasn't enough heartache, my MIL is also very very sick. It's not my place to talk freely about her personal situation on the WWW but the reality is that she is now in palliative care - anyone who knows cancer knows what that means...
The reality of having 6 kids aged 7 and under has really hit us. I know that we would be handling things a whole lot better at the moment if we weren't under so much other stress, but life feels pretty sucky right now :( I thought things sucked when the twins were born, but at least that had a happy ending... right now I am just hoping that we can make our way out the other side of all this and still find something to smile about.
God... what a depressing post!! OK, just to lighten the mood a little...
The twins turned 2! They are such big boys now and getting so clever. They have a tonne of words and they are so funny to watch together! It never ceases to amaze me how aware of each other they are (don't get me wrong, they love to fight, but they ALWAYS know where the other one is and they are considerate of sharing with each other - if there is two of an item one will take them both and then run through the house calling "Maaaaax" or "Blaaaake" and looking for his twin to share - so so cute!)
Lachlan is trying really hard at school and we have taken him to a Paed. about his learning difficulties. He has a fantastic teacher this year that is helping us sort it out and we are now waiting for an appointment in September for some testing to determine exactly what his issues are.. at least we are on track! I am really hopeful that we will get this sorted this year and work towards helping him catch up to his peers in his school work!
Niamh is a funny little three year old, she has such an attitude at times but she is a lot like me as a kid, so I find that I tend to understand her more than a lot of people and accept her little quirks as being something that she just can't help. She is a sweet kid...very confident with herself, but also a little reserved in public situations and a bit of a 'ten tonne canary' at other times (just like mum and dad used to call me!)
Cody is a funny boy, he is doing really really well with his hearing aid and hasn't missed a beat! His school teachers are constantly telling me how bright he is and he is bringing home reading books that are beyond his age, by far! He is like a little sponge and loves to learn facts of all sorts. He is also quite confident and sure of himself - I hope he doesn't lose that quality as I know it will help him get far in life!
Isla is gorgeous! She is almost 7 months and just starting to babble "dadadadadadad" so cute! She has a gorgeous cheeky grin that she shares with anyone who will look at her. I call her my velcro baby as she has not really left my hip this past 6 months (for obvious reasons) but she is no trouble. She is not fussy or difficult and just seems to adapt to whatever is required of her!
We are also planning (again) on moving in with Dad and building on that block that we have had for ages now! The plans went out the window when mum got sick, but in her final weeks she asked me several times if I would still consider going ahead after she is gone. At first I didn't want to think about it, but now I know that she was really happy for us to do it, and I know it would help both Me and Dad out a lot to be there for each other over the next year or so. I am also really looking forward to being able to build the house that we have dreamed about on the block big enough for our large family - maybe that's the thing I can look forward to in the future!
Anyway.. this could go on forever but that's generally what has been happening around here. I will get back in and update with some more photos in the next few weeks - the kids have changed a lot so it must be long overdue!
M.
As I said in my last post, Mum was diagnosed with cancer at christmas time last year. We knew from the beginning that it wasn't likely to have a fairy tale ending, it was Melanoma - the same type of cancer she had when I was only 12 years old. The whole way through her illness mum was so brave and strong. I was constantly surprised by her positive attitude. She kept on saying that she would never have changed a single thing about her life and that she felt blessed. To be honest, I struggled to be so positive, I still do! but that was just mum's way, right to the end she was more worried about all of us and how we would handle her death than she was concerned for herself!
On the 29th of May, the day after the twins' 2nd birthday mum passed away at the Murdoch Community Hospice. I have spent every day since trying to learn to live without her. My heart still feels like there is a great gaping hole, I don't think that's ever going to go away but maybe I will learn to live with it... in time....
Then, as if that wasn't enough heartache, my MIL is also very very sick. It's not my place to talk freely about her personal situation on the WWW but the reality is that she is now in palliative care - anyone who knows cancer knows what that means...
The reality of having 6 kids aged 7 and under has really hit us. I know that we would be handling things a whole lot better at the moment if we weren't under so much other stress, but life feels pretty sucky right now :( I thought things sucked when the twins were born, but at least that had a happy ending... right now I am just hoping that we can make our way out the other side of all this and still find something to smile about.
God... what a depressing post!! OK, just to lighten the mood a little...
The twins turned 2! They are such big boys now and getting so clever. They have a tonne of words and they are so funny to watch together! It never ceases to amaze me how aware of each other they are (don't get me wrong, they love to fight, but they ALWAYS know where the other one is and they are considerate of sharing with each other - if there is two of an item one will take them both and then run through the house calling "Maaaaax" or "Blaaaake" and looking for his twin to share - so so cute!)
Lachlan is trying really hard at school and we have taken him to a Paed. about his learning difficulties. He has a fantastic teacher this year that is helping us sort it out and we are now waiting for an appointment in September for some testing to determine exactly what his issues are.. at least we are on track! I am really hopeful that we will get this sorted this year and work towards helping him catch up to his peers in his school work!
Niamh is a funny little three year old, she has such an attitude at times but she is a lot like me as a kid, so I find that I tend to understand her more than a lot of people and accept her little quirks as being something that she just can't help. She is a sweet kid...very confident with herself, but also a little reserved in public situations and a bit of a 'ten tonne canary' at other times (just like mum and dad used to call me!)
Cody is a funny boy, he is doing really really well with his hearing aid and hasn't missed a beat! His school teachers are constantly telling me how bright he is and he is bringing home reading books that are beyond his age, by far! He is like a little sponge and loves to learn facts of all sorts. He is also quite confident and sure of himself - I hope he doesn't lose that quality as I know it will help him get far in life!
Isla is gorgeous! She is almost 7 months and just starting to babble "dadadadadadad" so cute! She has a gorgeous cheeky grin that she shares with anyone who will look at her. I call her my velcro baby as she has not really left my hip this past 6 months (for obvious reasons) but she is no trouble. She is not fussy or difficult and just seems to adapt to whatever is required of her!
We are also planning (again) on moving in with Dad and building on that block that we have had for ages now! The plans went out the window when mum got sick, but in her final weeks she asked me several times if I would still consider going ahead after she is gone. At first I didn't want to think about it, but now I know that she was really happy for us to do it, and I know it would help both Me and Dad out a lot to be there for each other over the next year or so. I am also really looking forward to being able to build the house that we have dreamed about on the block big enough for our large family - maybe that's the thing I can look forward to in the future!
Anyway.. this could go on forever but that's generally what has been happening around here. I will get back in and update with some more photos in the next few weeks - the kids have changed a lot so it must be long overdue!
M.
Friday, 20 March 2009
About time....
It's been another month and a half - oops!
My world is pretty upside down at the moment. Without going into too much detail on the good old WWW it's suffice to say that things are pretty sh*tty :( My beautiful mum has been diagnosed with cancer just a few weeks after christmas. In a cruel twist of fate, this is not the only cancer diagnosis we are coming to terms with at the moment. Dan's Mum also received the bad news that she has cancer just a week or so before christmas.
Since the new year has begun, we seem to have had one blow after another. I am busy trying to sort the big boys out as we struggle to figure out what is going on with Lachlan. He has had me worried for at least a year now but his teacher confirmed my worries and let me know that he is way behind his peers at school and seems to have some learning/concentration issues - who knows what's going on there?? We have a Paed. appointment for him in June to watch this space
We have also been following up on something that was picked up for Cody last school year - he has a moderate hearing loss in his right ear and after several different appointments to specialists and audiologists today I took him to have a hearing aid fitted. Now the poor little boy is complaining that everything is loud... he'll just have to give it a chance to get used to it and see if it helps him at all.
Since we found out about our mums I have had a pretty hard time myself. It's hard for me to admit but I have really fallen in a bit of a heap and have arranged to get some in home child care for the little ones while I wade my way through my issues. We've had the carer here for two weeks now (for three days a week) and I qualify for 13 weeks fully paid for by centrelink (so 11 to go!) In a way it's good to have the help and it frees me up to look after myself a little more, but on the other hand I am finding it a bit difficult as I can't hide behind the craziness of everyday business and it leaves me time to be in my own head, which I'm not liking too much at the moment :(
Anyhow... it's all a bit miserable at the moment so I won't bore you all with any more of my sob story... hopefully I can come back soon with a bit more cheery news!
Marns
xx
My world is pretty upside down at the moment. Without going into too much detail on the good old WWW it's suffice to say that things are pretty sh*tty :( My beautiful mum has been diagnosed with cancer just a few weeks after christmas. In a cruel twist of fate, this is not the only cancer diagnosis we are coming to terms with at the moment. Dan's Mum also received the bad news that she has cancer just a week or so before christmas.
Since the new year has begun, we seem to have had one blow after another. I am busy trying to sort the big boys out as we struggle to figure out what is going on with Lachlan. He has had me worried for at least a year now but his teacher confirmed my worries and let me know that he is way behind his peers at school and seems to have some learning/concentration issues - who knows what's going on there?? We have a Paed. appointment for him in June to watch this space
We have also been following up on something that was picked up for Cody last school year - he has a moderate hearing loss in his right ear and after several different appointments to specialists and audiologists today I took him to have a hearing aid fitted. Now the poor little boy is complaining that everything is loud... he'll just have to give it a chance to get used to it and see if it helps him at all.
Since we found out about our mums I have had a pretty hard time myself. It's hard for me to admit but I have really fallen in a bit of a heap and have arranged to get some in home child care for the little ones while I wade my way through my issues. We've had the carer here for two weeks now (for three days a week) and I qualify for 13 weeks fully paid for by centrelink (so 11 to go!) In a way it's good to have the help and it frees me up to look after myself a little more, but on the other hand I am finding it a bit difficult as I can't hide behind the craziness of everyday business and it leaves me time to be in my own head, which I'm not liking too much at the moment :(
Anyhow... it's all a bit miserable at the moment so I won't bore you all with any more of my sob story... hopefully I can come back soon with a bit more cheery news!
Marns
xx
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Almost three months....ooops!
It's been almost three months since my last post... sooooo much has changed!
I don't even know where to begin. We welcomed our second daughter Isla Jayde Horton into our family on the 3rd of December and she is an absolute delight. We all love her so much and she has just fit right in.
Christmas was nice. Darrin and Cameron came home and Rod and Dana were here so for once we were all together! Of course the time went too quick and after a few weeks they returned back to the UK.
The school holidays have been and gone. The kids have now returned to school and are settling into the new school year. Cody is in Pre primary and Lachlan is now in grade 2! They both seem happy with their classes and I am hopeful that they will have a good year.
We have had some really terrible news with some health issues in our extended family since Christmas and without going into it in detail, things are tough :( I've typed this paragraph three times (in different ways) and then deleted it again! I think I will leave it at that for now. I'll update some more down the track...
We still have the block in Wellard though we are now pretty uncertain about what we are doing! The house has been pulled off the market for the time being - I just couldn't cope with all the stress so we'll give it a few more months and then re-evaluate and make a decision.
The dynamic duo are still keeping us on our toes and as cheeky as ever. I am dealing with a lot of anger and frustration from them at the moment and am not really sure what to do with all the hitting, pushing, hair pulling and agro that they are displaying towards one another - I am just crossing my fingers and hoping that they outgrow it - SOON!
I think that's about it for us... so now I am updated I will try to keep up and post more regularly ;)
M.
I don't even know where to begin. We welcomed our second daughter Isla Jayde Horton into our family on the 3rd of December and she is an absolute delight. We all love her so much and she has just fit right in.
Christmas was nice. Darrin and Cameron came home and Rod and Dana were here so for once we were all together! Of course the time went too quick and after a few weeks they returned back to the UK.
The school holidays have been and gone. The kids have now returned to school and are settling into the new school year. Cody is in Pre primary and Lachlan is now in grade 2! They both seem happy with their classes and I am hopeful that they will have a good year.
We have had some really terrible news with some health issues in our extended family since Christmas and without going into it in detail, things are tough :( I've typed this paragraph three times (in different ways) and then deleted it again! I think I will leave it at that for now. I'll update some more down the track...
We still have the block in Wellard though we are now pretty uncertain about what we are doing! The house has been pulled off the market for the time being - I just couldn't cope with all the stress so we'll give it a few more months and then re-evaluate and make a decision.
The dynamic duo are still keeping us on our toes and as cheeky as ever. I am dealing with a lot of anger and frustration from them at the moment and am not really sure what to do with all the hitting, pushing, hair pulling and agro that they are displaying towards one another - I am just crossing my fingers and hoping that they outgrow it - SOON!
I think that's about it for us... so now I am updated I will try to keep up and post more regularly ;)
M.
Monday, 3 November 2008
So much has happened
since my last post! firstly the twins are finally walking!! Yay!! They are so cute the way they toddle around the house and seem so much happier now that they are a little more self sufficient. They have also been teething (with those yucky eye teeth) so that has been fun for all (NOT!!) but they seem to have settled down a bit this last week so fingers crossed they will be happier for a little while now.
I have had them both at the skin specialist last week for their discoid excema and I am so glad we have finally had it seen to! It was getting to the point where they looked all manky and scabby all over and were super irritable all the time from it. I felt so sorry for them but nothing I was doing was helping to clear it up and it was driving us all insane!! Now they have been prescribed a MUCH stronger steroid cream and I can see a huge difference in just a matter of days. We are taking them back in two weeks so the Dr can see the improvement and decide where to go from there but finally we have a definitive diagnosis and a treatment that works.
We took delivery of our new car a few weeks ago. It's a Toyota Hiace commuter and although I can't say I am in love with it (after all - I never dreamed I would become a bus driver!!) it certainly makes life easier. The kids are really comfy in it and have heaps of room. We can take extras in the car now and the boot is really massive so serves all our needs and I am slowly getting used to driving and parking it. It's actually not too bad to drive - It's just the getting used to where it starts and ends when parking it that I am still nervous about but I am sure I will get there soon.
I am now 36 weeks pregnant and trying very hard to remain positive. I need to keep reminding myself that although I am 'over it' bubs is far better off in than out even at this point and there is a reason people are pregnant for 40 weeks. This will be my last pregnancy and although I am ready for the next stage of our lives there will always be a part of me that misses the miracle of making a whole new person and creating life so I am trying my hardest to cherish these last few weeks and remember it all - soon it will just be a distant memory!
The big kids are getting very excited now about the impending arrival of their baby sister! Niamh in particular is looking forward to being my little helper - she is such a little mummy!! I think she will drive me batty but she will love being a big sister :)
It's Niamh's 3rd birthday this Sunday too! I can't believe how fast she is growing up. We are planning on a simple one this year for her - just a sausage sizzle at home for the family and a cake - not sure which cake yet but as long as it is pink she is happy! I will make sure I get back and post some pics of the birthday girl after the event.
M.
I have had them both at the skin specialist last week for their discoid excema and I am so glad we have finally had it seen to! It was getting to the point where they looked all manky and scabby all over and were super irritable all the time from it. I felt so sorry for them but nothing I was doing was helping to clear it up and it was driving us all insane!! Now they have been prescribed a MUCH stronger steroid cream and I can see a huge difference in just a matter of days. We are taking them back in two weeks so the Dr can see the improvement and decide where to go from there but finally we have a definitive diagnosis and a treatment that works.
We took delivery of our new car a few weeks ago. It's a Toyota Hiace commuter and although I can't say I am in love with it (after all - I never dreamed I would become a bus driver!!) it certainly makes life easier. The kids are really comfy in it and have heaps of room. We can take extras in the car now and the boot is really massive so serves all our needs and I am slowly getting used to driving and parking it. It's actually not too bad to drive - It's just the getting used to where it starts and ends when parking it that I am still nervous about but I am sure I will get there soon.
I am now 36 weeks pregnant and trying very hard to remain positive. I need to keep reminding myself that although I am 'over it' bubs is far better off in than out even at this point and there is a reason people are pregnant for 40 weeks. This will be my last pregnancy and although I am ready for the next stage of our lives there will always be a part of me that misses the miracle of making a whole new person and creating life so I am trying my hardest to cherish these last few weeks and remember it all - soon it will just be a distant memory!
The big kids are getting very excited now about the impending arrival of their baby sister! Niamh in particular is looking forward to being my little helper - she is such a little mummy!! I think she will drive me batty but she will love being a big sister :)
It's Niamh's 3rd birthday this Sunday too! I can't believe how fast she is growing up. We are planning on a simple one this year for her - just a sausage sizzle at home for the family and a cake - not sure which cake yet but as long as it is pink she is happy! I will make sure I get back and post some pics of the birthday girl after the event.
M.
Monday, 22 September 2008
After our relaxing break in Busselton....
I need a holiday, ha ha ha!
The kids had a great time though! We stayed at the Mercure apartments right on the beach front and although the weather was pretty dodgy the whole time we were there (Thurs, Fri, Sat nights) we still managed to get out and about and do enough to keep the kids entertained. The twins were little delights though.... they really don't seem to enjoy car rides or sitting in the pram and they made sure we knew about it at every possible opportunity!
We took the older ones in the indoor pool/spa a few times and we watched DVD's, played board games and hung around in the apartment as well as a few little bike rides between the rain showers! We went out to Dunsborough and Margaret River one day and did the whole chocolate factory/Simmos ice cream thing so the kids were pretty happy with that :)
But.. all good things must come to an end and we are back to the daily grind now! Lachlan is off at school for his last week of term 3 (can you believe how fast that has gone??) and I am back to doing a tonne of washing and cleaning and trying desperately to sort this house out!
On the house front - we are at a standstill at the moment! We are still trying to patch and paint and clean so that we can put this place on the market but we have signed up for the new house with RedInk (subject to sale of this place) so we are slowly moving in the right direction! The block should settle tomorrow (was supposed to be a few weeks ago but the sellers weren't ready yet!) Once we settle on the block we can take a look at the shed and see if it's any good for storage and we can start thinking about our next move. I am feeling really overwhelmed at the thought of trying to sell this house (actually, of trying to keep it clean and presentable for sale) while going through the life changing events of adding baby number 6 to our family but I guess we will manage - somehow!
I am now almost 30 weeks pregnant - not long to go in the scheme of things now. I am trying really hard not to think about this pregnancy too much as I don't want the end to drag on. I have a feeling I am not going to find this last 10 weeks as easy as I have found the beginning. Max and Blake are really hard work at the moment - they are just such heavy lumps and are not walking yet so they require me to lift and lugg them everywhere. They are also into absolutely everything all the time and the only way I can keep my sanity is to keep them in the playpen as much as possible. I feel a bit bad about that and I know I can't keep them in there forever but at the moment I just don't feel like I am physically capable of keeping up with them if they have the freedom of the house. I need to be a bit more careful though - just last week I nearly did a repeat performance of my last pregnancy when I was carrying Max and stepping over the playpen. I tripped and stumbled - kind of throwing him out in the air and was so lucky that I managed to regain my footing before dropping him and myself to the floor! I must have scared him (poor little guy, cried a bit!) and I know I scared myself so note to self : be more careful!
I am still trying to focus on getting ready for christmas and the kids birthdays so that should take up a lot of my time and energy over the next few weeks! I have started my Xmas shopping but I am nowhere near finished yet so that is the challenge for now - to get it all done before I am incapable of doing it!
Tomorrow is Cody's sports day at school and he is very excited that I will be there to watch him! I hope the twins are as excited to sit in their pram all morning ;) I'm going to need a lot of snacks and bribes to survive this one! I'll try to come back with some photos of him over the next few days!
M.
Friday, 22 August 2008
What a healthy bunch we are!
Well, after my post last week things kept going downhill! Blake's rash just got worse and worse and he looked terrible. He had the crusty scabby patches all over his back and chest and then developed a fine sandpaper like rash between the big blotches that covered him pretty much from head to toe! We ended up at the Drs and after taking one look at it he declared that it was a bad eczema flare up with an infection on top of it! Poor little man was so itchy and so miserable! We have now been prescribed an antibiotic for the infection and a cortisone cream for the rash and I am to take him back on mon to see how he is going and decide if we need a referral to a skin specialist. I must admit that after two days of the treatment he is looking a lot better already. The bad patches are much less red and although he still feels terrible all over he is starting to look a bit clearer.
I also ended up going downhill! I had that major headache and it still hasn't really gone away yet. I went to the Drs and was told it was a sinus infection so I am on AB's too and it is slowly improving. I'm on my 8th or 9th day now with this headache but thankfully is is now at a tolerable level so I am just trying to ignore it!
As a result of being sick the house looks like a tip site! I have been unable to bend down and pick stuff up or hang washing out so I have sooooooo much catching up to do this weekend :( To top it off, I was supposed to be working my way through sorting this house out this weekend so we could get onto painting and patching the walls in preparation for putting it on the market! Now thanks to having been sick I guess that is postponed for another week! Grrr!!
On a more positive note I can report some good news :) Rod and Dana had their second bubby yesterday morning in Kalgoorlie! A beautiful little girl named Grace Lillian! Welcome to the world little girl and congratulations to Rod, Dana and big sister Caitlin! We can't wait to meet her and have a cuddle!!
M.
I also ended up going downhill! I had that major headache and it still hasn't really gone away yet. I went to the Drs and was told it was a sinus infection so I am on AB's too and it is slowly improving. I'm on my 8th or 9th day now with this headache but thankfully is is now at a tolerable level so I am just trying to ignore it!
As a result of being sick the house looks like a tip site! I have been unable to bend down and pick stuff up or hang washing out so I have sooooooo much catching up to do this weekend :( To top it off, I was supposed to be working my way through sorting this house out this weekend so we could get onto painting and patching the walls in preparation for putting it on the market! Now thanks to having been sick I guess that is postponed for another week! Grrr!!
On a more positive note I can report some good news :) Rod and Dana had their second bubby yesterday morning in Kalgoorlie! A beautiful little girl named Grace Lillian! Welcome to the world little girl and congratulations to Rod, Dana and big sister Caitlin! We can't wait to meet her and have a cuddle!!
M.
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