I'm not having such a good day today, and I don't think this weather is really helping. It's bleak and windy and miserable! I am feeling very raw today for some reason... some days I think I have it under control and then it hits me like a tonne of bricks. I burst into tears at the drop of a hat and am very cranky and miserable. My poor kids don't know what they have done wrong and I am just no fun to be around... the hurt is too great and I wonder if I will forever walk around feeling like a huge part of me is missing? I wonder if there will come a day where an hour will pass that I don't think of calling mum for a chat about this or some advice about that... I wonder if I will ever stop feeling so incredibly alone and if I will make it out the other side of this fog I am living in. If I will some day answer people when they ask the usual old 'how are you?' with my standard "I'm good, thanks!" and it will actually be the truth? I know it's only been a few weeks but my gut feeling is that..no!...these things will not really change, that I will forever live in a different world now, without my best friend... without my mum....
M.
3 comments:
((hugs)) Marnie. I wish I could say it will all get better soon, but the pain may ease a little but it never goes away. The time between the tears and anger does lengthen. It takes time. You're grieving, caring for 6 small children, being a wife, being a daughter and one of those roles is huge. Having someone to talk it all over with does help, someone outside of it all who can listen to you work it all out for yourself.
All my best wishes
Tracy
you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers Marnie.
it is just a case of taking each day as it comes sometimes and even down to taking each hour as it comes.
please consider seeing a counselor - it is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength in asking for, and receiving help.
and always remember that to suffer unimaginable grief means that you have felt incredible love - and that is the blessing you can hang onto when the days seem a little too hard.
take care xxoo
big warm hairy hugs Marnie...
And yep, just open your eyes in the morning, and breathe in... and go from there... xo
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