GRRRRRRR!

I am really thoroughly and utterly pissed off! I am so sick of everything :(

Today we walked into the nursery at the hospital to be told by one of the nurses "I have just given them a bath" - WHAT THE HELL?? Blake has only ever had one bath and Max still hadn't had his first ever bath yet - I was waiting until I was allowed to do it!! I had stressed to the nurses the other day that I wanted to do his first bath but then this woman just goes ahead and does it without any thought to how the parents might feel! I am actually in tears again thinking about it and I know it sounds silly and that in the long run it is of no real consequence but I am just so disappointed :( Everything has been taken off me from the moment these boys were born and this is just one more "first" that I don't get to experience and there really was no reason that I couldn't have. I am sick of feeling so bloody useless there and not having control of my own babies. IT"S NOT FAIR!!!! They are stealing my memories :(

The other thing that we are majorly peeved about is how the left hand doesn't seem to know what the right hand is doing up there at that hospital. The nurses are generally fantastic and they work really hard but as parents it is so frustrating to be told different things by each nurse that starts a shift there. The trouble seems to stem from the fact that there are so many agency nurses and casual nurses that come in to do shifts. They haven't worked with neonates all that much and they all do things differently. The major frustration today was that although we were witnessing desats on the monitors the nurse looking after them was not recording them at all. When we queried this she told us that her 30 years of experience tell her that they mean nothing (as they are fleeting, and self resolving) and so she doesn't need to record them! Well that's fine but they are no different to the ones that were occurring the other day when the nurse on duty was recording every single one. Those charts are the only things that the Drs use to determine a course of action for these babies so if they are supposed to be recorded or not - I don't care but it would be nice if it was at least consistent.

My final gripe was with the stupid nurse that was on last night. She really must have been on another planet because she was told quite a few times that we were alternating tube and suck feeds yesterday afternoon. Blake was almost due for a tube when Dan and I went downstairs for a coffee and I told her as much when I left the room. When we walked back in what do I find but her sitting there with a bottle shoved in his mouth!! I don't mind if he is awake and looking for it but believe me - he wasn't! She ended up needing to tube the rest of it anyway as he just wasn't waking up for it!! I explained again that we are meant to be alternating tube and bottle feeds to give them a 6 hour break between having to work for their suck feeds as I was concerned that the desats might have been caused by tiredness. Anyway, this morning we check the charts to see that the comments box for every hour last night state "asleep" in each one but they were offered a bottle at each feed anyway - that means she woke them up every feed instead of letting them sleep for every second one!!! GRRRRR! How hard is it????

Anyhow - sorry for the negative post - I am just really fed up at the moment and I want my babies home :(

M.